Who You Are by Jessie J

• I stare at my reflection in the mirror
  Why am I doing this to myself?
  Losing my mind on a tiny error,
  I nearly left the real me on the shelf 
  No, no, no, no
  
  
  Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
  Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
  It's okay not to be okay
  Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
  Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
  Just be true to who you are
  
  
  (Who you are, who you are, who you are)
  (Who you are, who you are, who you are)
  
  
  (Who you are, who you are, who you are)
  
  
  (Who you are, who you are)
  
  
  Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
  I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah
  The more I try the less it's working, yeah, 
  'Cause everything inside me screams, no, no, no, no, yeah
  
  
  Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
  Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
  It's okay not to be okay
  Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
  But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising
  There's nothing wrong with who you are
  
  
  Yes, no's, egos, fake shows
  Like woo, just go, and leave me alone
  Real talk, real life, good love, goodnight
  With a smile , that's my own
  That's my own, no, no, no, no, no
  
  
  Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
  Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
  It's okay not to be okay
  Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
  Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising
  Just be true to who you are, yeah, yeah, yeah

Change is Possible

I remembered very well when I took my first step into the glass door. Nervous and anxious I was down, almost helpless, feeling stressed, ugly and full of negativity. I knew I needed to do something to change the way I have been living.

It was not funny to have people telling you, "Hey.. U grew.." "Aimi, what happened??"  "Waah, makin 'sihat' ". Trust me, it cut deep inside, when it was heard over and over again. Worse case, when you have the opposite sex telling straight to your face "If I want a girlfriend, I want her to be hot, to be in shape, bla bla bla". Thanks for the statements.  I was angry but I myself could not deny the fact that I no longer fit my skinnies and many other pieces in my wardrobe which resulted me to have to buy for new clothes and pants with a bigger size.

My turning point was when I accidently torn my favourite pants when I tried to force myself to zip it. Crushed, I knew I have to do something about it.

The ever famous quote rang in my head; for things to change I must change first.  After much thinking, search and reading of review, I headed to Fitness First which marked the beginning of my journey.

The brochure said, it takes 8 weeks for you to notice your body change, and 12 weeks for others to start to notice. 12 weeks?! I shrug.

Every new sign-up will get you a 3 sessions with a Personal Trainer. I cannot imagine myself being trained by a heavy muscle guy with tonnes of popping veins. The first person that came into my mind was Sazali Samad. Gosh!

Thank God my Personal Trainer was not intimidating by nature or monstrous as I imagined (Note: Not a big fan of big biceps, popping vein and having chest bigger than a lady's :P ). I created a drama on our first warm-up right after the ice-breaking session. I realised that I have no idea when was the last time I exercise.

Short term goal: I wanted look good in my dress for my sister’s wedding .Period.

Question: When is the wedding?

Answer:  I have about 6 weeks from now.

Mr Trainer: 6 weeks?!

But well, he said it can be done, provided if I am disciplined.

Aye aye captain!

I never knew how bad muscle sore can be until I experienced my first after my workout. I was working on my back the day before and got the sore the morning after. I struggled to take the parking ticket from my car window. I googled about it and that also started the series of me reading articles on health , fitness and other inspiring success stories.

Muscle sore, checked. Crazy moves?  More to come!

When he first demonstrated plank to push up; my first word was WTH. I struggled it through. When I thought that was challenging, a few weeks later he made me move a Vipr underneath my chest from side to side while doing plank. Gosh, that was tough!

One fine day, I got introduced to this ugly cannon ball-like-thing that looks harmless but will challenge you for a total body workout call Kettlebell. I hated it so much when I need to use that.

"If you want result, you have to do it.. Nak badan cantik kan.. " That is one of his favourite among many other encouraging, motivating and more importantly the extraordinary ability to empower me to do things that I never thought I could. I must admit there are times when I just feel like throwing him a kettlebell :P

Came to my sister’s wedding, I could fit my dress well and my designer was impressed that my effort to go to gym yielded a positive result. He wanted me to buy corset to wear with my dress, but after the final fitting, bye bye idea of corset…hello straight nice looking back.

Short term goal – achieved.  Next? To lose the fatty flabby fats here and there.

My journey continues for a fitter me. I took it positively, I was not on diet, but I was changing my lifestyle to start watching my food intake. Kilograms started to shred, and skinny jeans started to fit in and anything L size is just not wearable anymore.

True, many started to notice the change at 12th week. It was very motivating.

For myself, I notice the difference in me too. I can do more things, my dumbell and kettlebell weight is increasing, and so does the vipr. Plank to push up is no longer alien to me, so does moving the vipr underneath while doing plank. I do not hate kettlebell anymore. Workout intensity increased as well. Now, I started to lift up weight! Hohoho.

Today, after I almost fainted on the 6th minute of my first ever session with my trainer 4-months ago (telenovela of the month!), with a smile my trainer told me:

"You know what, today, you have achieved what your real size is supposed to be. When you first came, you have no idea how much and what that you have been carrying around".  He also asked me to keep at least twice a week workout to maintain and give myself a treat.

 I was speechless, trying to digest the news. The sweat, the muscle sores, the will to push forward all paid off. Alhamdulillah, everything was going on well.

My appreciation goes to my trainer, Parn for putting up with my tantrums, my mood swings and my fears to guide me to achieve the result that I wished for.  Not forgetting, my family for being understanding and supportive.

I learnt that, “Nothing is Impossible when you say I'm possible”. Change comes from within.

As my high school teacher always said, success is a journey not a destination. I shall continue this beautiful journey that has thought me to love myself more and appreciate the gift of health and fitness that God has given me every day to live and lead my everyday life.

"Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what kept you going", a saying on Fitness First wall.

Start the first move; I believe you can do it too.

xoxo

eyem3

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** UPDATE : Parn is no longer with Fitness First to pursue his dream. Starting May 2013, I am now training with Faizal Ishak, Advanced Personal Trainer. Cool guy, patient and strict (no bargaining..even if it is your birthday :P ) Shall write about my new trainer later. So far so good, sessions going on well as I continue to sweat buckets and training with weights :)